Golf Central

So, on to today's award with the help of our lovely assistant, Natalie Gulbis. Now, Nats, Gary Player raised a few eyebrows right before the Open when he intimated (intimated, is that the right word?) that 10 percent or so of all pro golfers were on drugs. Was this the ravings of a pre-Alzheimers old goat, or was Player onto something, Nats?
I dunno, I never take anything stronger than a triple caramel macchiato from Starbucks, or a bottle of WKD or two. I like chick drinks.
Hmmmn. Well, if Gary Player is truly a great detective, who's the No. 1 suspect? Just who might have engaged in an illegal substance or two in the hazy hazy past? ... (drumroll) ... envelope, please, Natalie ...
Bryan Saltus! ... Who's Bryan Saltus?
Hooray! That's right Natalie. The little-known 36-year-old hippie-ish self-taught golf pro from Orange County, California has been a devoted follower of the Grateful Dead all his life, claiming to have seen the ultimate stoner band 153 times. He turned pro in 1996 but by summertime this year he had just a grand total of $91,000 in career earnings before striking it big by winning the Cambodian Open on the Asian Tour last month and dedicating his win to the late Jerry Garcia ... Saltus celebrated his win by buying his caddie a new motorbike.
Way to go Bryan! Talk about a magical mystery tour ...
Now this is strictly conjecture, and we're really just kidding ... but wouldn't you think there is fairly easy access to something hallucinogenic in Cambodia, Nats? And when a guy has been to 153 Grateful Dead concerts, do you really think he's any stranger to the bong? Bryan's acceptance speech was suitably mellow: "Thanks, dude ..." Congrats, Bryan, you're a damn fine golfer and good luck in 2008!
I think Gary Player should just chill out, man. I mean, wasn't he around in the '60s? I mean, it's not like we should be calling Dick Pound or anything ...
For once, you have rendered me speechless, Nats ...

2007 Rusty Award Winners so far:
Worst Putter: Davis Love III
Best Clutch Shot: Boo Weekley
Silliest Name in Golf: Ben Bunny
Best Career Change: Rick Rhoden
Most Pretentious Broadcaster: Gary Lineker
Best Sand Player: Tim Clark
Coolest Shoes: Hunter Mahan
Marlboro Man Award: Angel Cabrera
Coolest Headwear: Jesper Parnevik
Best Second-Best: Ernie Els
Most Daft Quote: Woody Austin
Worst Dresser (Male): Sergio Garcia
Best Golfing Oddball: Camilo Villegas
Best YouTube Moment: Woody Austin
Best Dresser (Female): Paula Creamer
Best Mullet Hairdo: Charley Hoffman
Best Patriot: Mike Weir
Best Verbal Sparring: Paul Azinger
Best Bible Thumper: Zach Johnson
Best Excuse To Drink: Padraig Harrington
Best Reason For Drug Tests: Bryan Saltus

* We would invite all of our winners to our gala Awards Dinner in December, but we fear they might trip on the red carpet or a loose paving stone, or something ...  Our yearly awards are called the "Rusty Awards", instead of "Trusty Awards", because Natalie Gulbis thinks the name of our website is "In Golf Wet Rust". Gulbis is good at golf and glamour, but not so good at grammar.