Golf Central

Those poor Newcastle fans, eh? They're completely losing the plot, a bit like their new manager Kevin Keegan.

Why, you ask? Because cutout dummies of Manchester United footballers - including Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney, Edwin van der Sar and Carlos Tevez - have been strategically placed around the Parklands Golf Course driving range in Gosforth for Geordie hackers to practice their aim.

Newcastle plays Man U at St James' Park on February 23, and the Parklands course manager, David King explained: ''The return of Kevin Keegan (to Newcastle) has reminded fans - as if any reminder were needed - of how Manchester United pipped us for the Premiership title in 1996 ... Putting the dummies up is a light-hearted way of letting Newcastle supporters release some tension in the days running up to the match."

OK ... maybe it's better than going down the pub and necking a dozen Stellas. And King claims that the course isn't biased against Manchester United: the gaffer says that the cutouts will be changed in coming weeks to represent other players and teams. "They'll be pressed into action again when feelings are running high," said King.

C'mon Dave. Who could harbour so much animosity toward Emmanuel Adebayor? Oh well ... the Red Devil dummies shouldn't worry too much, however. Because if the Toon Army golfers' aim is as bad as Michael Owen's in front of the net, the targets probably won't be getting many dents ...