Golf Central

Perhaps it had something to do with April Fools' Day coming up, but was a week of odd behaviour in golf - from Woody Austin's stomach problems to Bubba Watson's disrespect for his elders. SG Matthews takes another slantendicular look at the happenings in golf that make us wiser for yet another week. Onwards, legions of Rusties! ...

1. When you puke on the golf course, it pays to be honest about it:

And of course, no one on the PGA Tour is more brutally honest than Woody Austin, who is the Americans' answer to Colin Montgomerie - only funnier. The Aquaman needed a birdie on the 72nd hole at the Zurich Classic of New Orleans on Sunday to match Andrés Romero, but hit a cold-top followed by a ball into the water. But is quotes were dead-solid perfect: "I'm not going to give you a political answer ... I didn't have my game today because I was scared out of my gourd and I was puking my guts out." Refreshing ...

2. But Steve Elkington doesn't scare easily:

One of the sidelights of the action in New Orleans was the throw-down that nearly occured in the second round. Outspoken mad bomber Bubba Watson - a punk kid at 29 compared to the 1995 PGA champion - was unfuriated at Elkington for slow play, short hitting and for "making noise" during his swing. And Watson was heard shouting at the 45-year-old Elk: "You gonna stop walking man? Damn. You did it all day yesterday. I tell you what - veterans can kiss my ass!" Dang! ...

3. And Elkington also has far too much class to do that:

The furore was all laid to rest after Watson apologised to the Aussie for his comments. "We hugged it out," said Watson. "He's looking at me like a son basically because I'm a lot younger than him. He just took me aside and said, 'Be stronger in what you're doing and make sure you don't do that.' " Fair enough, but word to Bubba: "Hugging it out" isn't generally a tough-guy move ...

4. Shigeki Maruyama knows all the bad words in English:

Japanese guys are always a lot tougher than they look. Maruyama, who was playing in the same group with Elk and Bubba, provided some insight to the affair, greeting reporters with a shadow-boxing display. "Big problem," said Maruyama "Elkington wanted to talk with him about it, but [Bubba] ignored him. Then he said a bad word." Nice to know that Shigeki can translate F-bombs into Japanese for Tiger Woods ...

5. Monty had to get in his two cents as well, of course ...:

Denied a trip to the Masters for the first time since 1991 after he failed to play his way in, Montgomerie took a pot-shot at Augusta's invitation process - in which Asian player Prayad Marksaeng (Thailand), Liang Wen-chong (China) and Jeev Milkha Singh (India) all earned trips down Magnolia Lane despite lower world rankings. "Now, if I were the only person in the country, à la China, I might get in," Monty told our friends at the Independent. Monty's manager Guy Kinnings has since "clarified" the remarks ...

6. And somehow someone worthy always gets overlooked:

Nearly lost in all the hubbub of rowing and/or puking players were the fine performances of two worthy players. Lorena Ochoa gets plenty of ink for her dominance on the LPGA Tour but her victory at the Safeway in Arizona was hardly noted; likewise Andrés Romero didn't get much love for his maiden PGA Tour win. The victory opened up a world of possibilities for Romero, 26, who is now exempt for all the WGC events and majors and holds both major tour cards. Our guess is Romero stays Stateside ...

7. There's always a feel-good story in golf, though ...:

How about the journey of Thomas Levet, the 39-year-old Frenchman who won the European Tour stop in Andalucia in a playoff? Levet wasn't a popular winner after seeing off 19-year-old phenom Oliver Fisher, until fans were reminded of Levet's triumph over adversity. In 2006, Levet suffered through a battle with vertigo that left him thankful for days in which he could barely stand up ...

8. The boss isn't easily fooled ...:

Can't get anything past the guy. During our holidays the boss made a post about the best April Fool's Days pranks in golf, highlighting a report which claimed Michelle Wie had retired. No wonder, then, the boss wasn't biting when your humble correspondent tried to tell him on April 1 that we needed to post a newsflash that Tiger Woods had drowned in a freak spear-fishing accident. Too far-fetched maybe?

9. Fred Couples is a deal-maker ...:

The 2009 US Presidents Cup captain is willing to engage in shady deals if he has to in order to play on this year's Ryder Cup team. He's already had discussions with Paul Azinger, who will lead the American Ryder Cuppers at Valhalla. Said Freddie: "I already told Azinger, 'If you pick me for the Ryder Cup, you're in for the President's Cup'. You know, we could do that." So much for the nation pride thing, then ...

10. And it's not a great week without a closing Freddie quote to make you scratch your head ...:

The boss forgot to update the Couples quotebook last week while we were on holiday, but it's back to routine this week with this gem from Freddie about how much of a Presidents Cup captain he'll actually be and how much he'll delegate to assistant Jay Haas. Said Freddie: "I think Jay has a lot of respect ... and he'll be 60 percent of a captain. I'll be 40, but I just have more authority to nix some of his decisions." OK then ... The Tao Of Freddie hath been amended again ...

'Til next week!