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We bring you the best in Masters coverage as we have done since we were founded in 1785, which makes us one of America's oldest newspapers. So take that you stuffy Brits! ... Once again, as only we can do in Augusta, we not only bring you the news that is fit to print, but also some (OK, all of it) that we have made up. Read on to find out What Didn't Happen At The Masters But Could Have ...

AUGUSTA (IGWT) - An army of officials and volunteers was busy late into Saturday night, working by flashlight, trying to locate traces of the shots Tiger Woods claimed to have "left on the course" during play at the Masters earlier in the day.

Woods sparked off the frenzied hunt at Augusta National - joined by sheriff's officers, fire and rescue units, as well as amateur archaeologists - after signing his card for a 4-under-par 68 Saturday evening. After leaving the scorer's cabin, Woods remarked to CBS on-course reporter Peter Kostis that he had "left a few out there on the front".

Thirty minutes later at his press conference, Woods said that while his back-nine 33 had put him in position to possibly win his fifth Masters title, he was frustrated by "lost" shots on his first nine holes. Woods then gave specific details of which holes he might have "left shots out there", as well as the clubs and yardages he used to strike the missing shots.

Richmond County Sheriff's Office Lieutenant Dale "Big Dale" McKinney said his force was confident of recovering at least one, if not all of the missing golf shots by daybreak.

"We've got some pretty solid leads. It helps that we have a statement from the witness himself. One of our dog team thinks he might have an idea what happened to the 6-iron that went a little 'flippy right' on the fifth hole. We're redoubling our efforts to answer the question of what happened to the drive on No. 2 that 'he turned over a bit'. We're not sure about the 8-iron that Mr Woods pushed into the front bunker and short-sided himself with on the ninth. But we're hopeful," said Lt McKinney.

Said CBS News and Sports president Sean McManus: "This guy is our bread-and-butter. We take any shots that Tiger Woods leaves on the course very seriously. They affect our core audience and our ratings in a negative fashion, and we're determined to get them back."

Before retiring for the night, Woods remained hopeful. He said: "I'm right where I need to be. It's just a shame those golf shots aren't where they need to be."

McKinney appealed to the public for assistance. Anyone who has information about any of Woods' missing golf shots should call Richmond County Crime Stoppers at 804-XXX-TIPS.



Heartfelt thanks to our dear Deep South friends at the Augusta Chronicle for not contributing to these reports and apologies for any offence caused by them. - SGM

More editions of the Augusta Comical:

• Friday's edition: Immelman sets Tour cliche record; the King gets 'lost' in the fog
• Saturday's edition: Poulter has eye on 'vermilion jacket'
• Sunday's edition: Frantic search on for shots Woods 'left on the golf course'