Golf Central

Unlike the property prices, we've arrested the slide of our 10 Things feature and we're pretty happy to be stuck on seven. It just seems like a better number all-round. Anyway, here it comes, featuring Peter Lawrie, his namesake Paul, Paula Creamer saying daft things and the fact that all you need in Britain is a bit of sunshine and suddenly every hackers out there getting in the way. Normally it's just us...

1. Don’t know if the Irish have luck, but they do seem to be pretty good
Hot on the heels of wins by Darren Clarke and Damian McGrane, (and let’s not forget Graeme McDowell a few weeks ago) up pops Peter Lawrie to nail the maiden Tour win he’s been threatening for at least a couple of years. And yet if you asked most golfers who are the Irish players most likely to be clutching a trophy on Sunday evening, they would probably have named either Padraig Harrington or Paul McGinley. Sadly, McGinley is dangling at 38th on the Order of Merit, having trousered just €242,000 from 10 outings so far this year.

2. ...But a downward spiral is difficult to stop
That’s considerably better, however, than our winner’s namesake Paul – he who lifted the claret jug in Carnoustie nine years ago. He’s languishing at 124th in the Order of Merit, with earnings of just under €64,000 from seven outings. He’s making cuts but no money and we suspect that, very shortly when golfers refer to ‘that guy Lawrie’, it will be Peter they mean, not Paul.


3. Golfers, especially Americans, just can’t talk
We make allowances for Yanks who ‘play great on the backside’ but the way in which they mangle the language of Shakespeare does make you despair at times. Paula Creamer, after her playoff victory on Sunday said: ‘It was something that I grinded out all day long. I can tell you I was 120% prepared.’
No Paula, the past tense of grind is ground, and you cannot prepare 120% because 100% is all you have.
Next week, how to tie your shoelaces.

4. A great career is ending
Annika Sorenstam has won twice this year and currently lies second on the women’s money list and second in the world rankings but we venture to suggest that she will not get to be world number one again. The reason why is very simple – Lorena Ochoa. Not only has she won five times already this year (out of seven starts) but she leads the LPGA Tour in birdies (131), Rolex Player of the Year points (189), greens in regulation (77.4%), rounds under par (23 of 27) and scoring average (68.44). The world’s second great Mexican golfer (behind Lee Buck Trevino) has arrived.

5. Long is good, straight is better
It was driving accuracy (and a hot putter over the closing holes) that helped Peter Lawrie to victory at the Open de España, where his stat for hitting the fairway was 69.6%. That put him fifth best in that category (runner up Ignacio Garrido was 61st, finding only 42.9% of fairways, which means he must have a heck of a short game).

6. Young ‘uns are better than ever
Until quite recently it remained true that a pro golfer’s best years were likely to be in his or her 30s, and statistically that was borne out by career victories, especially in the Majors. Yet young – some very young – golfers are disputing this truism. You used to be able to rely on them showing strongly but then fading when the pressure got turned up on Sunday afternoon, but not any more. The latest to buck the age trend is Anthony Kim who, at the ridiculous age of 22, strolled to victory, by five strokes, in the Wachovia Championship, breaking the tournament scoring record established by Tiger Woods.
Pah. Bet they still have to use acne cream though...

7. Good weather brings out bad golfers
Now that sunshine has finally made an appearance in the UK, all those hibernating golfers, who don’t pick up a club between October and April, suddenly reappear – unfortunately their swings will remain as hidden as a squirrel’s nuts for a few more weeks yet. Meanwhile, those of us who have struggled gamely on through rain, sleet, hail, snow and strong winds discover that our poor scoring was nothing to do with the bad weather, just a reflection of how crap we really are.
We may have a judicial system whose independence is protected by statute, the right to a trial by a jury of our peers and a courthouse in every major town in the land but for golfers there is no justice.