Golf Central

                                                George W. Bush: "Insurgents! Over there, look."

We've learned a lot from golf this week, so much in fact that what you see here merely scratches the surface of the weird and wonderful font of golfing knowledge. So sit back, buckle up and let us take you on a golf buggy ride featuring Barack Obama, John McCain, Dougie Donnelly and a Sikh guru.

1.) Golf helps win US Presidential elections
It seems the most important battle in the 2008 US Presidential election will be won on the golf course, and unfortunately, John McCain is well ahead of Barack Obama on this front. If they so choose, America’s estimated 26 million golfers can now pledge their allegiance by buying official John McCain golf gear. Thanks John, but no thanks.

2.) Loyalty pays in the world of golf
… Unless you’re Dougie Donnelly, who, after 18 years of reporting from the fairways, has been ousted from the BBC’s Open golf coverage. And just to rub salt in the wound, the Beeb’s golf producer didn’t have the bottle to tell good ol’ Dougie face to face, delivering the news by voicemail instead. Ouch.

3.) Some golfers have all the luck
We’ll take our hats off to anyone who can manage a hole-in-one in their lifetime, but in the case of Ben 'Crusher' Kruizenga, we’d probably have to strip down to our bare feet. The seventh hole at Michigan’s North Kent Golf Club is a tricky, uphill par 4, which Kruizenga managed to ace with a 397-yard rocket from the tee. Not bad.

 
4.) Golf isn't in fact what the doctor ordered
Last week we told you that golf helps you live longer. Well, forget that, because a pesticide commonly used on golf courses has been linked to a whopping 250% increase in diabetes risk to the workers who apply the them. Best to avoid kissing that ball next time you hole a putt…

 
5.) Golf and wildlife (part 596)
Rumour has it that an eight-foot, man-eating Timber rattlesnake has been prowling the fairways of a Kansas City golf course. The real story, however, is that of an e-mail being sent around picturing a man dressed as one of the club's greenkepers holding the snake up with a stick... after it was killed by another golfer using a 2-iron. The club in question, Painted Hills, firmly denies any truth in the photo, asking: "Who uses a 2-iron anymore?"

6.) Golf and religion don’t mix
US golf magazine Golf Digest has apologised to the Sikh community for using a doctored image of their fifth guru Arjan Dev in a recent issue. The magazine depicted the guru -who compiled Guru Granth Sahib, Sikhism’s holiest book- as a 'golfing guru' holding a golf club and offering advice to readers. Looks like we’ll have to pull that photo of Jesus Christ as a caddie…

7.) Golf Courses are dangerous places
Why is it always the case that old bombs and rockets are solely found on golf courses in the most remote parts of the USA? Who knows, but it was the turn of a bulldozer driver in Jackson, Tennessee on this occasion. Freddie McGee stumbled across the live device on the Hidden Valley golf course, describing it as and “old military-type rocket that looked like something you'd see in a war movie.” Where next? Our money’s on a lawnmower man in Birmingham, Alabama.