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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Angelina Jolie: 'Do you think Porridge needs the number of a good dentist?'

We've learned a lot about golf in the past week, seven things in fact... that's why we call this section seven things, because we've learned sev (shut it - Ed). Anyway, we now know that Padraig Harrington is quite good at golf, that golf and politics don't mix and that a 23-year-old golf receptionist from Croydon is the new Angelina Jolie...
 
Monday, August 04, 2008

The Golden Bear like you've never seen him before...

What have we learned from golf this week? Well, we've learned seven things, including the fact that bruins are putting spectators' lives at risk, that those South Korean ladies are pretty good at golf and where there's a blame, there's a pretty hefty claim...
 
Friday, July 25, 2008

The modern clubhouse according to John Daly...

Well, we now know that the IOC are a bunch of indecisisve idiots, that John Daly's love of gambling may have taken one step too far and, if this golfing crimewave continues, we'll have to have some sort of Batman (not George Clooney, he was rubbish - Ed) patrolling the fairways...
 
Monday, July 07, 2008

Condoleezza Rice and George Bush: 'Fancy a quick nine after work, Condi?'

It's been a weird week for golf, that's for sure. Golf clubs being used as viscious accessories for assault, golf destroying the earth, people being killed in golf carts, George Clooney hitting the fairways. That's a lot of negative press...

1. Golf's destroying the earth

That's what those annoying conservation people would have you believe, anyway. A report from  English Heritage found that 116 historically important parks have been converted into golf clubs since the 1980s, that such developments are damaging archeological remains and that gardens and landscape of stately homes and country houses are at risk. Face. Bovvered?
2. Using golf clubs as weapons is silly...
... And it gives our game a bad rep. 74-year-old Vincent Koley was so annoyed with a pedestrian who got in his way, he allegedly took out a golf club from his car, chased the poor bugger down the street and smashed him across the arm. Koley snapped the club in the process, and has been charged with assault with a deadly weapon. If, for some reason, he was given the death penalty, we think death by sand wedge would be appropriate.
3. Condoleezza Rice loves her golf
How do you think the world's most powerful woman spends her weekends?  Some time with the family? Getting through paper work in the White House? Changing the world with George Bush? Not Condi, who spent Saturday at the AT & T National, watching the golf with a bunch of Marines. The real question, however, is how such a busy person can find the time to get down to a 21 handicap and shoot 89? Cheat, that's how. 'I have a policy on mulligans. I try for only one, and after that I count it as a stroke,' she said.
4. George Clooney should stick to the big screen
There's only one possible reason why Clooney's been hitting the fairways of Italy's beautiful Lake Como region to get over a split with the missus, and its' not because he loves the feeling of a pured seven iron. We reckon he's after Gulbis...
5. Anthony Kim is quite good at golf
We were going to back him to win the AT & National @ 24/1, but opted against it because we thought he'd been out of action for a bit too long. Well, he threw that one back in our faces, didn't he? This kid's gunna win majors...
6. Golf carts can be dangerous in the wrong hands
Especially when the driver's been drinking shed loads of booze. Tragically, a 41-year bloke died after falling off a golf cart and suffering severe head injury after his head hit the pavement. The driver was arrested on suspicion of fifth-degree driving under the influence and criminal vehicular homicide.
7. Geese have no place on a golf course
Wildlife resource officers and volunteers in Utah and Davis counties are on a giant mission to crack down on geese that roam the area's golf courses. The program has been running for two weeks now, during which time 1450 birds have been relocated to wild marshes, which is all well and good, but surely they'll fly back eventually?
 
Friday, June 27, 2008


'C'mon, Monty, don't be shy, get yourself up here...'

Our suspicions that golf tournaments, strippers and kids don't mix have been confirmed this week. We've also learned that Michelle Wie's rubbish at golf, hygiene standards are dropping and that golf isn't a sport apparently? But you probably already knew that...

1. Golf carts should be street legal (Part 7098)
With petrol prices so ridiculously high, city commissioners in Sandusky, Ohio, have agreed to let certain types of golf carts on city streets as of July 23rd. Carts will need to pass a safety inspection before they hit the roads, and vehicles deemed road worthy will be given a sticker of approval. So that's one city down, a few million to go..
2. Michelle Wie should quit while she's behind
A quintuple-bogey 9 on the par-four ninth during the first round of the US Women's Open? It was as painful for us to watch as it was for you to play, if truth be told, Michelle. C'mon, I think we all know golf isn't the sport for you...
3. Hygiene standards aren't what they used to be...
... Especially at Arrowhead GC, Illinois, where a virus at the club’s restaurant sickened about 40 employees and 60 members. A state lab identified the illness as a norovirus, which is highly contagious and could have been brought into the restaurant by anyone. The illness caused nausea and other flulike symptoms for about 24 hours. You’d imagine members will be taking a packed lunch to nibble on-course in the future…
4. Golf and strippers don't mix
Ever heard the one about a kid's golf tournament clashing with a strip club golfing event? Neither had we until we heard about a scheduling cock-up that saw a Junior Golf Association tournament in Colorado clash with a Shotgun Willie's Charity golf event. It's probably the only golf course in the world that you'll see 7 to 12 year old kids mixing it with 70 strip club dancers. We're told that nothing inappropriate happened in front of the children, but at least one parent complained, saying, 'When I walked into the clubhouse to look for my girls, I saw a woman straddling a male at a dining table.'
5. Golf isn’t a sport, apparently
Why is it that people feel the need to question golf’s status as a sport? Take columnist Michael Lewis, for example, who argues that golf isn’t a sport because the ‘rich, important people’ who play it ‘often lack athletic ability, and… are also fat and physically lazy.’ I'm sure John Daly would have something to say about that...
6. Crime and golf don’t mix (part 459)
Try telling that to 31-year-old golf tournament volunteer, Jason Osborne, who was arrested at the Travelers Championship for driving a golf cart into a parked car… and leaving the scene. Jason, you’ve brought shame to the name of golf, but more importantly, on the name of the golf cart.
7. Sean Connery loves his golf
We love him for lending his suave, ultra-sexy voice to a new film promoting Scotland as the home of golf, but we’re not pleased about the fact he’s given his support to Donald Trump’s £1bn golf resort in Aberdeenshire.
 
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