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Friday, June 27, 2008


'C'mon, Monty, don't be shy, get yourself up here...'

Our suspicions that golf tournaments, strippers and kids don't mix have been confirmed this week. We've also learned that Michelle Wie's rubbish at golf, hygiene standards are dropping and that golf isn't a sport apparently? But you probably already knew that...

1. Golf carts should be street legal (Part 7098)
With petrol prices so ridiculously high, city commissioners in Sandusky, Ohio, have agreed to let certain types of golf carts on city streets as of July 23rd. Carts will need to pass a safety inspection before they hit the roads, and vehicles deemed road worthy will be given a sticker of approval. So that's one city down, a few million to go..
2. Michelle Wie should quit while she's behind
A quintuple-bogey 9 on the par-four ninth during the first round of the US Women's Open? It was as painful for us to watch as it was for you to play, if truth be told, Michelle. C'mon, I think we all know golf isn't the sport for you...
3. Hygiene standards aren't what they used to be...
... Especially at Arrowhead GC, Illinois, where a virus at the club’s restaurant sickened about 40 employees and 60 members. A state lab identified the illness as a norovirus, which is highly contagious and could have been brought into the restaurant by anyone. The illness caused nausea and other flulike symptoms for about 24 hours. You’d imagine members will be taking a packed lunch to nibble on-course in the future…
4. Golf and strippers don't mix
Ever heard the one about a kid's golf tournament clashing with a strip club golfing event? Neither had we until we heard about a scheduling cock-up that saw a Junior Golf Association tournament in Colorado clash with a Shotgun Willie's Charity golf event. It's probably the only golf course in the world that you'll see 7 to 12 year old kids mixing it with 70 strip club dancers. We're told that nothing inappropriate happened in front of the children, but at least one parent complained, saying, 'When I walked into the clubhouse to look for my girls, I saw a woman straddling a male at a dining table.'
5. Golf isn’t a sport, apparently
Why is it that people feel the need to question golf’s status as a sport? Take columnist Michael Lewis, for example, who argues that golf isn’t a sport because the ‘rich, important people’ who play it ‘often lack athletic ability, and… are also fat and physically lazy.’ I'm sure John Daly would have something to say about that...
6. Crime and golf don’t mix (part 459)
Try telling that to 31-year-old golf tournament volunteer, Jason Osborne, who was arrested at the Travelers Championship for driving a golf cart into a parked car… and leaving the scene. Jason, you’ve brought shame to the name of golf, but more importantly, on the name of the golf cart.
7. Sean Connery loves his golf
We love him for lending his suave, ultra-sexy voice to a new film promoting Scotland as the home of golf, but we’re not pleased about the fact he’s given his support to Donald Trump’s £1bn golf resort in Aberdeenshire.
 

Friday, June 20, 2008
Can we afford to let these monstrosoties destroy our game?

It hasn't been the greatest week for golf if truth be told. Tiger's out for the season, those vandals have had their way with yet another golf course and the ubiquitous Croc is set to plague the fairways...

1. Tiger Woods is quite good at losing people money

How many people do you know that put a bit of money on Tiger winning the Grand Slam? Probably a fair few, I'd imagine. Anyway, the point being that bookies have made a killing from Tiger's dodgy left knee, especially Australian betting firm, SportingBet. Some unlucky sod bet $252,300 (that's £127,000 to us Brits) that Tiger would win three or more majors this season. Meanwhile, John Kaczkowski, tournament director for the BMW Championships estimates that Woods' absence will cost the tournamnent an estimated $500,000 in lost tickets, concessions and merchandise. We're sure if you ask Tiger nicely, he'll be more than happy to help you both out...
2.Crocs golf shoes: absolutely no need whatsoever
You'd think those weirdos at Crocs would have been content with making a quick million and kitting out what seems like every other human being on earth in a pair of their shoey, sandal type things. But no, their next mission is to put as many of the world's 61 million golfers into a pair of their hideous new golf shoes. I think this is what Mark Twain mean when he said 'golf is a good walk spoiled.'
3. Golf and vandalism (part 3,647)
Why on earth is it that golf courses attract pesky vandals hellbent on wanton destruction? A golf course in Rochester, Minnesota, is the latest victim in what's been a popular year for vandalism on golf tracks. Local police believe kids were responsible for the incident, and the charge sheet reads as follows: burning a swastika into one of the course's greens, digging a hole into a green, spraying flammable liquid on one of the greens, shredding flowers, stealing a ball washer, pins, cups and rakes. The repair bill is thought to be in the region of $2,700. Honestly, if we ever catch 'em...
4. The new Michelle Wie is here
And remember that you read it here first, golf fans. Ten-year-old Allisen Corpuz from Hawaii became the youngest player to compete in a U.S. Golf Association championship, beating Michelle Wie's previous record -who played in the same tournament aged 10 years 9 months- by 6 months. Corpuz's two day total of 169 wasn't good enough to make the cut at the U.S. Women's Amateur Public Links Championship, but she was deadly off the tee, finding fairways time after time with her 3-wood. Come to think of it, it's probably a bit of a curse to call her the new Michelle Wie. Instead, let's raise a glass to the new Annika Sorenstam...
5. Pimp my golf cart
As you may have gathered over the past few months, we absoluetly love golf carts here at IGWT, and our campaign to get golf carts to replace cars has recently recieved the backing of Barack Obama, Gordon Brown and Tiger Woods. As golf cart purists, however, we can only turn our noses up at Hummer's foray into the world of fairway transportation. Yeah, it's got leather seats, lots of leg room, hydraulic brake disks and a state-of-the-art sound system, but what Hummer don't understand is that the average golfer doesn't go by the name of P.Diddy, Kanye West or, to a lesser extent, Tim Westwood...
6. It's been a week for golfers saying silly things
First, there was Retief Goosen accusing Tiger Woods of faking his knee injury during the US Open, saying, 'It just seemed when he hit bad shots his knee was in pain and on his good shots he wasn't.' And then Vijay Singh hit out at British golfers, criticising the current crop's work ethic. Apparently they're content to fail at tournaments knowing that another big pay cheque is just around the corner, and that their lack of success at the majors boils down to failing to analyse their own game and put in the effort to make improvements. Come back when you've won as many majors as Nick Faldo mate, and maybe, just maybe we'll listen to you then. Still, better to have never won a major than to be a cheat...
7. Persistence pays in golf (part 567)
Especially if you're Henry Rachfalowski. The 48-year-old joined Canada Life Financial Corp in 1998 as a senior executive, and the company offered to pay for a membership at a golf club as part of his employment package. The only problem being that he hated golf, and instead, he asked for the cash or a membership to a curling club. The company refused, stating he'd look like a maverick or rebel and wouldn't fit in if he didn't join a golf club. After a long struggle, the Tax Court of Canada has forced the CRA (Canada Revenue Agency) to pay Mr. Rachfalowski the taxable amount of the $2,049 membership fee from his 2002 income. Come to think of it, that bowls membership never has been of any use (don't even think about it, sunshine- Ed).
 

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Mr. T: "I pity the fool who messes with Tony Navarro..."

Welcome to our special US Open edition of 7 things. Even though there's only been two days of play at Torrey Pines thus far, we've already learned a lot of things, seven things, in fact...

1. Don't mess with Tony Navarro...
... Because Adam Scott's caddie knows how to deal with idiotic spectators like a proper man. A father-and-son pair - Thomas J. Campbell, 37, and his father Thomas W. Campbell, 62-  were arrested Friday afternoon in an alcohol-related incident with Scott's caddie. The incident took place on the par-five ninth, when Navarro suddenly went toward the gallery and under the ropes to confront two berks that had been heckling Navarro and Scott (what a great name for a 70s style cop show, by the way). Witnesses told police that the younger of the two tried to punch Navarro; other witnesses said Navarro head-butted the bloke. While we don't condone violence here at IGWT, you can't help but admire Navarro's balls.
2. Journalists ask the most stupid questions
Like the one that asked Lee Westwood, who carded a one under par 70 after his first round, "Are you pleased to be under par?" What do you expect him to say mate? "Well it's the US Open, notoriously difficult, so I'd rather be four over, naturally. But hey, you can't have everything your own way."
3. Angel Cabrera shouldn't have given up smoking
How else do you explain the fact that he carded a first round 79, followed by a 76, leaving him 13 over par for the tournament. Unsurprisingly, that wasn't good enough to make the cut, but we bet Cabrera picked up a few cartons of Lucky Strikes and red Marlboros at duty free on his way back to Argentina.
4. This smoking ban malarkey is stupid
So they've decided to ban smoking in the galleries at Torrey Pines this week, because San Diego law says so. No smoking on a golf course? In the great outdoors? What really grinds our gears, however, is the fact that the law doesn't apply to those participating in the Open, so USGA officials and players can spark up whenever they wish. Miguel Angel Jimenez, known for puffing a Partagas and Cohiba from time to time, said, '"I don't think it's fair. I don't see what's the problem. Why not make everyone ride a bike here instead of driving their cars?'
5. Tiger Woods is quite good at golf (part 5062)
But you've probably already gathered that, anyway. After shooting a two-over-par 38 on the first nine holes of a second round, ask yourself how many golfers could carded a pretty much flawless five under 30 coming in? Probably only Tiger...
6. Gary Wolstenholme probably shouldn't have bothered
The 48-year-old British amateur champion forked out £1000 in flights and hotel rooms to come over to California, and he wasn't even assured a place in the field unless somebody pulled out. Someone indeed pulled out, but 23 shots over par later (83, 82), Wolstenholme was on a plane back to Blighty, probably thinking to himself, 'What a waste of money.'
7. The USGA shouldn't pair Woods, Mickelson and Scott together again...
... Because, despite the extraordinary hype that surrounded this dream pairing, let's all be honest with ourseleves and admit that it was a bit of a letdown.

 

Monday, June 09, 2008


                                                George W. Bush: "Insurgents! Over there, look."


We've learned a lot from golf this week, so much in fact that what you see here merely scratches the surface of the weird and wonderful font of golfing knowledge. So sit back, buckle up and let us take you on a golf buggy ride featuring Barack Obama, John McCain, Dougie Donnelly and a Sikh guru.

 

Tuesday, June 03, 2008


 Neil Armstrong: Sod that, I'm getting the clubs out of the boot...

Everyone knows that you can't mess with solid scientific facts, so bearing that in mind, we can now safely say that golf saves lives. We’ve also learned that Vijay Singh’s not the guy to pick a fight with, that Britain actually houses talented individuals and golf’s quest for world domination knows no bounds…
 

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