Golf Central

Augusta in 12 words: Far more F-bombs being dropped by the Big Cat than long putts
Rumour: In between supping cold Heinekens in the press facility, one of the hot topics among hacks is the lack of roars around Augusta this year. Veteran newsmen are full of tales about the "old days" and how the grounds would echo for birdies and eagles. And it's true, since the "Tiger-proofing" of Augusta the place has gone nearly as quiet as a cathedral. Even Geoff Ogilvy agrees: "They will have to look at what they are doing with the golf course," he said.
Player spotting: Ben Hogan! Well, not it essence, but according to legend Gary Player, second-round leader Trevor Immelman's gorgeous swing is the closest thing to Hogan's action since the Wee Ice Mon himself. We take Player's hyperbole with a grain of salt (especially when he's speaking about fellow South Africans) but who really knows better? Gary Player is the one man who has played a lot of golf with both Hogan and Immelman ...
Star spotting: Too busy for a lot of this to be honest, but somebody told us they saw Jerry Jones, the filthy rich owner of the NFL's Dallas Cowboys. Apparently he looks just like what he is: A filthy rich sports team owner. Also seen! One of our heroes, the NBC broadcasting legend Tom Brokaw and author of the superb book The Greatest Generation (about the citizen soldiers of World War II).
Moody players: To be honest, everyone is on their best behaviours, but that's pretty much par for Augusta for the players, who are scared to the tees to offend anyone at the club. One guy who isn't worried about anyone in a green blazer is - of course - Tiger, who has carte blanche to go round swearing like a rum-riddled sailor. Inside the ropes with Tiger on Friday was no place to be with virgin ears or little ones ...
Heroes of the day: Got to make special mention of ESPN.com's tireless blog warrior Jason Sobel, who seemingly never moves from his spot in the press facility from 8am to 7.30pm each day. Jason, your blog is great, mate and it's funny as hell, but it's good to get outside and move around once in a while ... Also, mad props to the SAS-like stealth mobile phoners who are feeding Sobel with info from round the course in violation of Augusta rules ...
Villain of the day: We're going to single out the Golf Gods for handing nearly every bad break they could to Tiger Woods, for whom we rarely have to apologise. Tiger had several putts cross the cellophane bridge and got more than his share of bad bounces on the front nine. And they also knocked out our hero Freddie Couples, who missed his first cut in 24 years by one stroke. Bad Golf Gods! ... 'Til tomorrow! ...

We bring you the best in Masters coverage as we have done since we were founded in 1785, which makes us one of America's oldest newspapers. So take that you stuffy Brits! ... Once again, as only we can do in Augusta, we not only bring you the news that is fit to print, but also some (OK, all of it) that we have made up. Read on to find out What Didn't Happen At The Masters But Could Have ...

Augusta in 12 words: Joker hits an ace, but needs a deuce for a full house
Rumour: The Tiger-proofing of Augusta National is a success. So say some Cohiba-smoking bigmouths who wander about this joint as if they own the place. The course that Bobby Jones once dreamed about is playing longer and has dried out. But easy? Hardly. Tiger-proofed? Not at all ...
Player spotting: Take a longing look at Fred Couples, golf fans. With his streak of 23 straight cuts on the line after a first-round 76, IGWT's favourite quote-meister is going to need to conjure up some magic to stick around another day. Wonder what he'll say about that? ... And speaking of Player spotting, what of Gary Player? Is it right for 72-year-olds to be "competing" at Augusta, regardless how many sit-ups they can do?
Star spotting: A sporting flavour on Thursday. Justin Rose had extra beef on hand for the par-3 contest in rawboned rugby star Matt Dawson, but the Yanks had a hero as well: Cal Ripken Jr, the shortstop legend. Although Ripken's hairline has faded into the Baseball Hall of Fame with him, his record of 2,632 consecutive games won't be forgotten. Tennis starlet Venus Williams, with boyfriend Hank Kuehne, was about as well ... and how can you miss her? Golf-mad scratch golfing Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, who once tried to qualify for the US Open, squirreling around after Tiger Woods.
Moody players: It wasn't a good day to be John "Don't Call Me Henry The Speed-Punk" Rollins, who carded seven straight bogeys at the start of his day. Now, there's some angst for you. And if you think Tiger is happy about an even-par 72 (no birdies, one eagle, and two bogeys), think again ...
Heroes of the day: The European Ryder Cup team. After Day 1 at Augusta, Nick Faldo's would-be troops are firing on all cylinders as if they own the place. All near the top of the old-school leaderboards around this place are the names Rose, Westwood, Poulter, Casey and Karlsson ... and the guys already secure of their places don't suck either. And Captain Faldo is nearly even in his battle of the jibes with Paul Azinger ...
Villain of the day: Masters security personnel, which searched patrons going through the gates with the phrase: "No cell phones, no beepers, no pagers, no blackberries ... no guns." In that order. Hey, it's Georgia ... 'Til tomorrow ...

We bring you the best in Masters coverage as we have done since we were founded in 1785, which makes us one of America's oldest newspapers. So take that you stuffy Brits! ... Once again, as only we can do in Augusta, we not only bring you the news that is fit to print, but also some (OK, all of it) that we have made up. Read on to find out What Didn't Happen At The Masters But Could Have ...

We were almost late, golf fans! But despite the best efforts of delayed - errr, cancelled! - planes, freak injuries and even freakier snowstorms in the south of England, here we are now basking in the scent of magnolias and stogies, to bring you all the best of Augusta. It's Masters week! And it's time for our quality daily postcard ...