Golf Central

Dear Mum,

Flippin' heck! Here I am again at the golf. They must put something seriously addictive in those fish and chips (that'll explain why they cost £7 a pop). Started off the day looking for Pleasureland, Southport's answer to Blackpool Pleasure Beach amusement park and the wind tore the tourist pamphlet out of my hand and next thing you know I'm at Birkdale again. Still, at least it didn't rain for a change.

Thinking of investing in a couple of wind turbines - there's got to be some money in that caper. Saw my mate Norman playing again - still don't know his surname and every time I asked one of the punters they just looked at me funny.

Went for the rastaman hat look with the woolly hat over the baseball hat, but clearly golf fashion is a fickle business as I was the only one who did. That lad Poulter's got the pulses racing with his funny trousers, but I'm not having none of that salmon pink malarkey.

Really getting into the golf now, though. Hard to shout 'get in the hole' when the ball only goes a hundred yards and you end up with a face full of sand. I watched my mate Norman say it was the best Open ever. He's not bad for an old fella, is he. Might have a pop myself next year.

Love and kisses
Jack x