Golf Central

We bring you the best in Masters coverage as we have done since we were founded in 1785, which makes us one of America's oldest newspapers. So take that you stuffy Brits! ... Once again, as only we can do in Augusta, we not only bring you the news that is fit to print, but also some (OK, all of it) that we have made up. Read on to find out What Didn't Happen At The Masters But Could Have ...

AUGUSTA (IGWT) - In a statement which could send ripples through the multi-million dollar sports endorsement industry, Tiger Woods blamed one of his long-time sponsors for his second consecutive runner-up finish in the Masters Tournament on Sunday.

Dreams of a Grand Slam ended for Woods, the world's No. 1 golfer, when he finished three shots behind South Africa's Trevor Immelman. But Woods raised eyebrows in his post-round press conference, when he said "it was all because of that damned Buick."

"I just couldn't find another gear today," Woods said. "The whole day felt a bit sluggish. But to be honest, I needed a bit more performance to catch Trevor if I wanted to get the W, and my driving just wasn't right all day. In fact my driving was a joke.

"It's all because of that damned Buick."

A spokesperson for the General Motors Corporation said they thought Woods had meant the comment in jest. "Tiger Woods is obviously at the top of our sponsorship portfolio and his endorsements mean a great deal to the corporation. We're sure it was a joke."

However, several journalists noted that Woods had eschewed the use of a courtesy car during the tournament, instead driving a humble Buick LaCrosse to and from Augusta National and his private accommodation in a mansion on the city's outskirts. At least one bystander said they saw a silver Buick LaCrosse with Woods at the wheel stall at a traffic light the junction of Berckmans Road and the Savannah River Scenic Highway in West Augusta on Wednesday morning when the lights changed.

"It was definitely him," the source said. "And he grinded the hell out of that clutch."

Woods was also seen in Sunday's final round dumping a half-filled plastic bottle of Gatorade on the 14th tee box and then handing the empty bottle to his caddie Steve Williams.

Woods' main sponsor, Nike, seems to have avoided any direct abuse as a result of Woods' out-of-character behaviour. However, the golfer, who has been ranked No. 1 since 2005 , has tossed several of the company's clubs this week either onto the ground or at his golf bag.




Heartfelt thanks to our dear Deep South friends at the Augusta Chronicle for not contributing to these reports and apologies for any offence caused by them. - SGM

More editions of the Augusta Comical:

• Friday's edition: Immelman sets Tour cliche record; the King gets 'lost' in the fog
• Saturday's edition: Poulter has eye on 'vermilion jacket'
• Sunday's edition: Frantic search on for shots Woods 'left on the golf course'