Golf Central

What the hell do Boo Weekley's bullets, Thaksin Shinawatra, and Daniel Chopra's Playstation have to do with this grand game of golf that we know and love? You might ask, and we are here to answer, with the 10 things we've learned from golf this week that have made us a bit more worldly wise than we were a week ago (which is not hard, since we were hungover a week ago).

1. In Golf We Trust might make pretty poor matchmakers ...

But it seems like Natalie Gulbis and Camilo Villegas are pretty wonderfully matched. They were born the same day (Jan. 7, Camilo in '82, Nats in '83) and they're both hot with a capital H, so people of opposite genders tell us. You'd think they've got a lot in common - fame, money, they can play golf together into their old age ... but this crazy thing called the internet has different opinions. The Love Calculator gives Camilo and Nats and 87 percent chance; but Crazy Horoscopes says: "They say 'misery loves company' and these two are likely to stick, like flies on horse-dung, if they can over-come the boredom in their lives."

2. We want some of what Cameron Morfit is smoking ...

Our esteemed colleague with Sports Illustrated's online wing figures that Jason Day, the 20-year-old Filipino-Australian hotshot who is making his full-time debut this year, is going to knock Tiger off his peg (in a story titled "Meet the World No. 1"). Despite what Cameron says, we're saying that after you have some really good Aussie weed, it takes a good 20-25 hours before you come down off your peg.

3. And we want some of what Bill Elliott is smoking, too ...

Our beloved Bill, the very much respected golf correspondent for Britain's The Observer, reckons that if Tiger Woods is going to win all four majors in a calendar year, this is the year. Bill Elliott is one of golf journalism's most candid minds, and who is to knock his view despite the odds against. And Bill is probably right when he says that at 22-1, Tiger winning all four majors this year might be the punt of the year ... And you can stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

4. Playing golf video games on your Playstation or PC is good for your game.

Tell that to your missus next time she says you've just played No. 17 at Sawgrass for the 18th time on your Playstation and there is a four-pack of empty Stella cans underneath the couch. Because Daniel Chopra "practiced" for the Mercedes-Benz Championships at Kapalua by playing the course countless times on his Playstation. Vijay Singh is still alive, but somewhere he is rolling in an imaginary grave on a driving range somewhere ...

5. Nationality is a funny thing.

When footballers (rugby players and cricketers, too) can change nationality at a drop of a hat and suit up for whatever country is best placed to give them an international cap, what to do with golfers? Take tri-lingual Daniel Chopra for instance. Born in Sweden, raised in India, and plays most of his golf in the US. Chopra recalls a practice round with Jeev Milkha Singh, Per Ulrik Johansson in which he spoke Swedish and Indian to his playing partners and English to his caddie. Who gets Chopra? Nick Faldo? Paul Azinger? Or Gary Player of the International Team? ....

6. The feel-good story of the year is already starting to sound bad.

Because Tommy "Two Gloves" Gainey, the good-old-boy, mini-tour rags-to-riches hero who makes his full PGA Tour debut at the Sony next week, has already begun referring to himself in the third person. "I was raised to respect others and treat others the way I want to be treated. Tommy Gainey is a good ol' country boy who likes everybody." (Editor's note: The next time Tommy Gainey is looking for Tommy Gainey when Tommy Gainey is standing right there, we'll let Tommy Gainey know. Don't believe your press clippings, and don't do it again, Tommy, or we'll pull a Stephen Ames on you ...)

7. So-so golfers earn more money than "great bloggers".

This is true. As golf-blog warrior Mulligan Stu of Waggle Room notes, Steve Stricker has moved up to No. 20 on the Golf Digest list of the 50 highest earners in golf at $9.2 million, with Justin Rose right behind at $9 mil. But then again, there are choices: Play golf all day, or blog all day. ...

8. Golf heals all wounds ...

The exiled Thailand prime minister and mogul Thaksin Shinawatra, owner of Man City football club, reckons he can break the ice for a return to Thailand by proposing a friendly round of golf with the military elite who knocked him out in a coup in 2006, according to Al Jazeera. Never mind that Thaksin is still under the cosh for corruption charges in Thailand ... hey, a quick 18 and nice Thai curry will solve everything. Man, if it was that easy, there are a few exes we'd like to line up rounds of golf and dinner with ...

9. Boo Weekley found some magic bullets in Hawaii.

Just like the Jack and the Beanstalk story, our man Boo found a way to bounce back from a bad start at Kapalua. Boo was on a downer after getting held up in Florida on his way to Hawaii because he had some live ammo in his carry-on bag. He shot 80 in the first round. But our guess is Boo must have found some friendly locals to give him some lucky bullets, because he "fired" rounds of 74, then 68 and 66 to finish up at Kapalua. (Hint, Boo: Leave the lucky bullets at the airport, and pick some up at the destination).

10. The next time your golf ball goes missing in the "jungle" look for the nearest python.

Heroic veterinarians in Nobby's Creek, North South Wales, Australia, saved the life of a carpet python which had swallowed four golf balls (obviously thinking the golf balls were hen's eggs). The big snake is going to be OK, according to reports from our friends at The Australian. Our take on it: Ease up animal lovers. Tell it to us next time Bill Elliott has cancer.

Until next week ...