Golf Central

Welcome back to the PGA Tour!...: Welcome back! Mind you, it doesn't seem much like the PGA Tour with all this paradise scenery.
That's okay though. The golf wasn't exactly PGA Tour quality either, was it?...: Not really. This winners-only field struggled to cope with the gusting winds and rain showers and only 10 of the 31 broke par.
Yeah, but did you see the "Jimi Hendrix of the Ukelele", Jake Shimabukuro, play the national anthem at the start?...: That was great. That was probably the best playing all day, unless you count Nick Watney and Daniel "Exploding Divots" Chopra.
Nick Watney. He's the American guy who sounds like he should be English ...: Yep. He rode a hot putter to card a 5-under 68, one shot better than Chopra, the funky Indian-Swedish dude with the spikey hair.
What about Vijay Singh, the pre-tourney favourite?...: The King of Kapalua seemed a frustrated fellow all day. He's made swing changes in the off-season and never looked comfortable. It showed as Vijay shot a frustrating 1-over and pretty much stomped around Kapalua looking like a broken man.
How about everyone's favourite hick, Boo Weekley?...: Well after getting stopped at the airport for having live ammo in his luggage, Boo could have used a few more bullets out there today. He also should have spent more time golfing than hunting over the winter. He shot 80.
OK, well, who's your new favourite now?...: Well, I'm going to say Chopra. He's played the course "hundreds" of times on his Playstation and he's got the big-driving game that suits Kapalua's wide-open hilly fairways and monster greens.
Didn't Chopra once drive a golf ball off the Great Wall of China?...: That's true. That's what I mean when I say he likes the wide-open spaces.
OK. Anything else I need to know, other than Playstation makes me better at golf?...: Well, Jonathan Byrd turned up in a pair of pink trousers, saying he had to do it "since it's Hawaii".
I thought Hawaii was all about grass skirts and Aloha shirts ...: Tell that to Jonathan ...