Golf Central

Actually, it would have been quite good if The Chuckle Brothers had turned up: Sorry?
For the Dunhill Links – it’s a big celebrity do, isn’t it?: That’s right, but to the best of my knowledge, neither The Chuckle Brothers, Lindsay Lohan or Pope Benedict XVI will be teeing it up with the European Tour’s finest this week.
Who is then?: Nobody special, just Dennis Hopper, Samuel L Jackson, Kyle MacLachlan, Bill Murray, Hugh Grant, Dougray Scott, Ronan Keating, Huey Lewis, Sir Ian Botham, Sir Bobby Charlton, Sir Steve Redgrave (pause for breath…), Johan Cruyff, Ruud Gullit, Matthew Le Tissier, Boris Becker, Michael Vaughan, Steve Waugh and Franz Klammer, among others.
I’ll bring my sniper’s rifle then…: And who, pray tell, will you be taking out?
Mind your own business. All I can say is that Hopper, Murray, Jackson, Botham and Waugh can sleep safely tonight: Better still you’ll have free entry for the first three days, as well as free parking and a shuttle bus service from the car parks!
Result!: Any decent players turning out?: Padraig Harrington for starters, Monty of course, Nick Faldo and Michael Campbell; then there’s Casey, Donald, Fasth, Immelman, Rose and Stenson.
Big money to play for?: Five million dollars total prize money is a Euro or two more than at last weekend’s Seve Trophy.
So how does it work, then?: It’s run as an individual professional tournament and an amateur team event. There are 168 teams of one professional and one amateur contest the first three rounds, with a round being played at St Andrews, Carnoustie and Kingsbarns in rotation. After 54 holes the field reduces to the leading 60 professionals and ties, plus the 20 leading teams, all of whom play the final round over the Old Course at St Andrews.
You wouldn’t happen to know anyone with a flat overlooking the 18th green would you?: No, I wouldn’t. Why?
Oh, never mind…