Golf Central

So I am sitting here like a couch potato watching the 37th playing of the Ryder Cup and you can't help but get fired up by the competition and the see-saw swing of emotions. Your team leads by four holes one minute and everything is All Sqare the next. Your team looks real good with a four footer for birdie but the opposition drops in a thirty footer and suddenly the hole shrinks up like Costanza in cold water. The play isn't always perfect but the drama can not be beat. The only thing that comes close is this seasons' Presidential Politics. The intensity of the candidates is similar to the players on TV, their passion almost equal, their desire to win even stronger. Hey, Wait a Minute, I have a really great idea! Let's combine the two, the Ryder Cup and the Presidential Election - we can call it the REAL PRESIDENT'S CUP! I can just see it now - on NBC, Johnny Miller annoucing in his very Republican voice, "Ladies and gentlemen - you're watching the very first playing of the Real President's Cup, with the team of John McCain and Sarah Palin vs. Barack Obama and Joe Biden - they are playing for all the marbles and whoever wins this match will be sitting in 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue for the next four years." How about that? It's a tough match to handicap without seeing any of their swings. Based on his rhetoric, McCain should be straight and true off the tee but you wonder after half a dozen flip-flops if he's got the short game when it comes to the Right to Choose or if he can keep the ball on line for Campaign Finance Reform. Sarah Palin is somewhat untested unless you listen to the right wing radio stations which will tell you she has already won the Masters once and two British Opens - despite just getting her passport about twenty minutes ago. Biden has the whole package to play the game but you wonder if the five inch field between his two earsis too packed with useless information to keep him from sticking his sand wedge in his mouth. And of course, there is THE ONE! Just like the OTHER ONE! Sharing similar racial heritages, similar bright smiles and similar condescending attitudes, Obama is expected to be everything to the presidency that Tiger is to golf so it is a given that he will shoot even par or better. It should be a hell of a match.

Now it's exciting enough to have our candidates play for the Presidency but I think we can spice things up even a little more. Ask any golfer and they will tell you that something is riding on just about every hole if not every swing. There is a nassau in play, of course, but there is also skins and some junk and a long list of ways to lose money every time you play a hole. Our little contest should be no different. I propose that we put something on the line for each hole and depending on the outcome of the hole, we enforce that particular policy or program. I want to see how Obama does when he is 140 yards out with a nine-iron in hand knowing the future or Universal Health Care rides on his next swing! And I want to see how Senator McCain strokes his twenty-five foot putt knowing if he misses he will have to pull out of Iraq in the morning. How does our precious little Sarah do blasting out of the sand knowing her right to bear semi-automatic weapons is riding on the up an down? Then you have to wonder if Joe Biden lies 8 on a Par 3 will he have the good grace to pick up or insist we keep moving forward with raising taxes on the wealthiest of Americans. There are so many issues they can play for. It is almost scary to think of what might happen of one team or another gets really hot. If the Democrats get on a role on the front nine we might be looking at a health care system like Canada where you have to wait five years for an MRI or equal opportunity laws slated at making corporate America look like the NBA. Should the Republicans get it going on the back nine we will have invaded Iran, North Korea and Massachussetes before the match is over. Education, taxation, immigration, stem cell research, even the right to tatoos and body piercing can be on the line. Should our participants get to the eighteenth hole with things still undecided than all bets get doubled down. If the Democrats win the hole we open the borders so far and so wide that no one will remember what an American looks like, sounds like or if they pay any taxes. And if McCain rolls in a long one for victory than the wealthiest 500 Americans will be elevated to Lords and Ladies and the rest of will go from trickle down to pee on and get soaking wet!!

Game on - let's go. My money is on the Republicans. If they don't win McCain will have the Supreme Court overturn the victory and little Sarah is all about change - so she will just change the rules. And the Democrats can't win - they'll just give it away, just like they give everything else away, including ten footers - take it, just like welfare!!!

Besides, how many Democrats are in Country Clubs? Not too many - FORE!!!!!

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Posted By JMac to blogginwithJMac at 9/20/2008 11:32:00 AM