Golf Central

So why did you put the name of the sponsor in lower-case up there above?: Because first of all, I'm jealous that I didn't make zillions of dollars by turning unused freight containers into your "one stop shipping and removal service" like Pods did. Second of all, said sponsor is bailing out on the tournament after this week, leaving this south Florida event to fight for a sponsor for yet another year.
I see ... and you can't just call it the "fill in the blank" Championship, can you?: No. So lower-case Pods it is, even if it p-o's the PGA Tour.
How about the "In Golf We Trust Championship"?: Well, that would be a pretty good idea. The investors might be keen, but we can't even decide whether we're In Golf We Trust or InGolfWeTrust ... or would it be the IGWT Championship? Anyway, if we sponsored a tournament it sure as hell wouldn't be in Florida.
Why not?: Because their oranges are inferior to California ones, and that's that! And there's too much rain, and lots of big bugs, and lizards and things ...
Not that again ...: Yes, that again! ... But anyway, don't you want to talk about golf?
Not really ...: Then why are we here?
Because we owe our devoted and dedicated readership the absolute finest in cutting-edge golf criticism, wit/wisdom, beautiful photography, etc., blah blah blah?: Are you reading off a sheet given to you by anyone named Crouch or George, by any chance?
No. It's just drilled into my head ...: Good. OK, get this drilled into your head. Bart Bryant's your leader at 6-under after the first round, followed by a host of nobodies. Except for England's Paul Casey, who is in the hunt after a first-round 67.
Anything else?: Yes, John Daly continues to shamelessly trade on his celebrity status by having the head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers NFL football team John Gruden  caddie for him in the first round. Long John shot a nifty 78.
I got it ... See you tomorrow ...: Betcha John Daly beats you out of the car park ...