Golf Central

"Hello Sir, what do I have to do to put you in a Buick today?

What makes an otherwise sane golfer pose next to a cartoon mascot and lie through his teeth about something he has little or no interest about? Big sacks with dollar signs on them that's what, lorry-loads of cash driven right up to their doorsteps in return for a few insincere catchphrases. With this in mind, IGWT present to you the Duffer's Guide to golfing sell-outs...

Lee Westwood - Quorn

As part of a major health and fitness drive to keep himself at the top of his game, Lee signed a deal with Quorn and lost 30 pounds within six months of adding it to his dietary regime. What the adverts don't tell you is that it was probably as a result of leaving it at the side of his plate and going hungry.

John Daly - Maxfli

Surprisingly, John didn't go down the vegetarian food endorsement route that Lee Westwood did. True to form though, his banned Maxfli commercial features John swilling beer, driving off in a hot-dog cart and enjoying a flash from a female fan. Not sure what relevance any of that has to golf balls, but still a good ad.

Tiger Woods – Buick

When he's not hawking his own products, Tiger takes advantage of the fact that the word 'drive' has more than one meaning and takes home bags of money for five seconds of Buick advertising work. Can't really imagine that he owns one himself though.

Colin Montgomerie and Ian Woosnam – Kit Kat

Until his agent stepped in, Monty originally agreed to waive his fee in favour of being paid in a lifetime's supply of chocolate. Woosie's agent was slower to act however and the Woosnam family now live on a diet of Kit Kat stew, Kit Kat burgers, Kit Kat bolognese and Kit Kats.

Jack Nicklaus – Polaris World, Nissan

Jack's Polaris World adverts are so annoying that grown men have been known to weep openly at the sight of their hero plugging Spanish property in such a way. Luckily none of them will ever see the baffling Japanese ads that the Golden Bear featured in for the bizarrely named Nissan Gloria and the Nissan Cedric.

Ai Miyazato – Xylish Gum

The chances are that you've never heard of Miyazato or of Xylish. Ai Miyazato is the up and coming young star of Japanese golf, while Xylish is a chardonnay flavoured gum, together they make a truly odd advert in which she appears to promise that the gum will make you stand on one leg and turn your teeth green. None for me thanks.

Alice Cooper – Callaway

In his 30-second TV slot, four-handicapper Alice is shown hard at work moulding some titanium into a 3-iron. Luckily for Callaway, Alice's script re-write in which he put a putter in an iron maiden and bit the head off a driver was rejected.