Golf Central

Some Tour pros just like to tempt fate but we’re worried that their bad ju-ju will rub off on us, so we won’t mention Ryuji Imada. Dammit... We just did. There’s also been a lot of water involved in the final holes of events, with some people’s hopes sinking to a watery grave, while others know when to quit, and others still keep piling up the dosh – even if they hide the golf trophies underneath the bed.

1. Laying up gets you into trouble
How many times have you decided to lay up, usually short of a water hazard, as Richard Finch did on the last hole of the Irish Open. And how many times, just like Finch, have you swung well within yourself, only to see the ball take off like an Exocet and run into the very hazard you were trying to avoid? In his case the extra yards were no doubt the result of adrenaline. In ours, it’s from the unaccustomed rhythm and grace that we get on the two shots a year when we’re not trying to knock the name off the golf ball.

2. Lorena’s a world beater
Ms Ochoa is still only 26 and could potentially rewrite every record in the women’s game. Her weekend victory in the Sybase Classic Presented by ShopRite (where does the LPGA get these names from?) was her sixth of the year and 23rd in all. In the process, she overtook Annika Sorenstam as the fastest player in LPGA Tour history to reach the $12 million mark. Annika took nine years, four month; Lorena did it in five years, two months – although such records will always be beaten relatively easily because of the little matter of inflation. That won’t stop us mentioning it, though.

3. They asked what?
One of the many joys of covering golf in America is the compulsory post-round interviews, and we will always remember with fondness the US journalist who asked Tiger Woods, at the Masters one year: ‘So what’s it like being Tiger Woods’ dog?  Another beauty came this week when Lorena Ochoa was asked: ‘Speaking of all your wins, I’m curious what you do with all your trophies. You’ve gotten quite a few the last few years, where do you keep them?’ The ever-smiling and tactful Lorena confessed that some are used as flower vases, and some are under the bed.

4. Water really does attract golf balls
Kenny Perry played himself into a playoff for the AT&T Classic at TPC Sugarloaf against eventual winner Ryuji Imada. The first playoff hole was, not surprisingly, the 18th – a par five heavily protected by water – incidentally, does every closing hole in tournament golf have to subscribe to this clichéd format? Perry took his 5-wood and aimed well away from the hazard, only to see his ball hit a tree and take a wicked ricochet through the green and, yup, into the water.

5. Golf just ain’t like that, pardner
The man who beat Perry was recording his debut Tour victory, so congratulations to Ryuji Imada, who, in the same event in 2007, lost in a playoff. As a result, he spent all last week saying: ‘This course owes me one,’ which caused all of us at InGolfWeTrust to turn away, cover our ears, close our eyes and say ‘Lalalala’ loudly, lest the golfing gods decide to punish us, too. We’ve got news for you Ryuji, golf owes nobody nuthin’, and if you persist in thinking it does you’re headed for more heartache than a country and western singer whose dog just died.

6. Knowing when to quit
It’s just about the one thing that most top-flight sports people manage to get wrong, and that’s recognising that the time has come to bow out. Jack Nicklaus couldn’t do it after his 1986 Masters victory, Arnold Palmer couldn’t do it for three decades but Annika Sorenstam has always been special and proves it once again with her announcement that this season is to be her last as a Tour pro. Of course, part of the reason is that she wants to have babies – which was never an option for Jack or Arnie, or at least, not quite in the same directly involved way.

7. An apology
Despite our many reports this season commenting on the success of Irish golfers (along with ‘Luck of the Irish’ and ‘Irish Eyes Are Smiling’ headlines) and the fact that we tipped young demi-god Rory MacIlroy to win the Irish Open, at 45-1, we would like to make it clear that…
a)    We weren’t serious
b)    We were, but we’d like to take it all back now
c)    Ireland hasn’t produced a decent golfer since Roddy Carr
d)    Harrington’s win in last year’s Open was a fluke