"and after this you can drink my vomit out of a pint-glass"

Frankly, I have no idea what's going on in this picture, if you do however, then make sure you visit our brand-new sister site, Scrum of The Earth, for all your egg chasing needs. Based on the same principles as IGWT, of strong editorial ideas and cheap laughs, it's easily just as much fun as having a twenty stone hooker up-end you in a muddy field.

Scrum of The Earth

Jonathan Byrd at the recent Khaki Shorts Classic

So who are the leaders then?
You remember in Question of Sport when they have that round where all the answers are related to a particular topic? Well the top three here all have garden related names...

Stuart Apple-by?
Not a bad guess – he's tied twelfth at three-under-par.

Umm Woody Austin? Tiger Woods?
Getting closer, they're both tied seventh at four under.

Adrian Hedges? Peter Flymo? Ben Gardenshed?
They aren't real people.

I give up.
Quitter. Jonathan Byrd is leading after a minus seven round of 64 and Justin Rose is one shot back. Oh and Camilo Villegas is also up there at minus six.

Camilo Villegas? That's not very gardeny
Its literal translation from Spanish is 'Camilo Birdhouse.'

Really?
Nah. I just ran with the garden thing before I realised Villegas had done so well.

I see, ever the professional. So what happened to the IGWT picks?
Sabbatini shot a two-under-par 69, Furyk a one-under-par 70 and Robert Allenby lived up to his 50/1 odds with a round of four-over-par.

I can't see hoe they're going to rake you in any money...
OK that's enough of the shrubbish puns

Bradley Dredge, hoping not to peak too early...

Day one then, what happened up in the Swiss Mountains? And no Heidi or yodelling references please...
Nothing as nice as that, the players got quite a frosty reception actually...

Really? In the land of peace and pacifism?
Yep. A severe ground frost delayed yesterday's play by two hours, forcing 44 players to have to finish their rounds this morning.

Oh, that kind of frosty reception...so anyway, who's leading?
England's Oliver 'Sergeant' Wilson, one of those who had to abandon his round yesterday. He left himself an eagle putt last night and rather than take it on in failing light, started this morning positively, holing it and then shot a birdie at the 17th  to take him to six-under.

Who else is up there?
They all are, it's in the mountains remember?

Who else is up at the top of the leaderboard? You facetious prat.
Facetious? That's a long word for you... anyway, Wales' Bradley Dredge, last year's winner, was clubhouse leader at minus five before Wilson overhauled him.

And how did the IGWT tips fare?
Niclas Fasth had a shocker and shot six bogeys and a double bogey on his way to an eight-over 79. Jiminez's round was similarly unspectacular with five bogeys tempered by two birdies to leave him at a disappointing three-over. Graeme Storm is closest to the leaders after shooting a minus two 69.

"Hmm have you been working out?"

On this day, in 1997, with a final round 62, Constantino Rocca won the Canon European Masters by one stroke over Scott Henderson and Robert Karlsson.

Born in Bergamo, in 1956, Rocca is Italy's most successful ever golfer. He started out as a caddie before turning pro in 1981 and went on to win five times on the European Tour. He has never won a  major and is best remembered for sinking to his knees after holing a monster putt at St Andrews in The Open in 1995. The resulting birdie forced a playoff with John Daly which Rocca subsequently lost.

Also on this day, in 1893, the first Italian football club, Genoa Cricket and Athletic Club, was established by British expats.

Meanwhile, in 1969, the first episode of Monty Python was recorded.

And it's Ahad Mohmand! As they say in Afghanistan, to;  American Pie hotty Shannon Elizabeth (34), Pretender Chrissie Hynde (56) and still survivin' Gloria Gaynor (58.) It would also have been Eazy-E's 44th birthday, had he not been capped up and wrapped in plastic by AIDS in 1995.

1899

The year that the Western Open was founded. It was the third oldest tournament in the World after the British Open (1860) and The U.S Open (1895.) Today marks the start its revamped format as the BMW Championship.