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'Don't worry Clark dear, I'm sure Tripp Isenhour will keep his tour card'

Here we are again:
Indeed.
You know, the Fall Series just gets more thrilling with every hour that passes: So you like the thought of a hundred or more people fighting tooth and nail for their very livelihoods in front of a live TV audience, then?
Love it. Absolutely love it: You never know, it could catch on. Particularly if the field starts burning up the La Cantera Resort Course, like Bart Bryant did in 2004 when he shot a course record 60.
Any big names in the field?: they don’t get much bigger than John Daly, who makes an appearance on a sponsor’s invitation. He’s never finished higher than 55th here and was disqualified in 2003 so don’t go expecting too much from him.
And the rest?: Stephen Ames is the highest ranked player at 42nd in the world.
And you know just how far I’d travel for one of his toothy smiles…: He’s better than you at golf, though, isn’t he…
Tell me something I didn’t know: How about the fact that the area known as San Antonio was originally named Yanaguana by Native Americans, which translates as ‘refreshing waters.’
Bo-ring...: OK, did you know Hollywood icon Joan Crawford was born in San Antonio?
Fascinating: You’re just saying that, aren’t you.
Yes I am: Thanks a bunch.



'Don't shoot! Get Sluman instead...'

Actually, it would have been quite good if The Chuckle Brothers had turned up: Sorry?
For the Dunhill Links – it’s a big celebrity do, isn’t it?: That’s right, but to the best of my knowledge, neither The Chuckle Brothers, Lindsay Lohan or Pope Benedict XVI will be teeing it up with the European Tour’s finest this week.
Who is then?: Nobody special, just Dennis Hopper, Samuel L Jackson, Kyle MacLachlan, Bill Murray, Hugh Grant, Dougray Scott, Ronan Keating, Huey Lewis, Sir Ian Botham, Sir Bobby Charlton, Sir Steve Redgrave (pause for breath…), Johan Cruyff, Ruud Gullit, Matthew Le Tissier, Boris Becker, Michael Vaughan, Steve Waugh and Franz Klammer, among others.
I’ll bring my sniper’s rifle then…: And who, pray tell, will you be taking out?
Mind your own business. All I can say is that Hopper, Murray, Jackson, Botham and Waugh can sleep safely tonight: Better still you’ll have free entry for the first three days, as well as free parking and a shuttle bus service from the car parks!
Result!: Any decent players turning out?: Padraig Harrington for starters, Monty of course, Nick Faldo and Michael Campbell; then there’s Casey, Donald, Fasth, Immelman, Rose and Stenson.
Big money to play for?: Five million dollars total prize money is a Euro or two more than at last weekend’s Seve Trophy.
So how does it work, then?: It’s run as an individual professional tournament and an amateur team event. There are 168 teams of one professional and one amateur contest the first three rounds, with a round being played at St Andrews, Carnoustie and Kingsbarns in rotation. After 54 holes the field reduces to the leading 60 professionals and ties, plus the 20 leading teams, all of whom play the final round over the Old Course at St Andrews.
You wouldn’t happen to know anyone with a flat overlooking the 18th green would you?: No, I wouldn’t. Why?
Oh, never mind…


The Duffer’s Guide To The PGA Tour’s Fall Series
Tway: 'I'd have secured my tour card if it wasn't for these darn trees'

The latest schedule-tweaking offering from The PGA Tour, the Fall Series is a slate of seven season-ending tournaments which are make-or-break for a handful of players on the Tour. It all climaxes with the Children's Miracle Network Classic in Florida on the first Sunday in November. The target: to either reach or stay in the Top 125 in the tour money list and either keep or earn your Tour playing privileges.
    Michael Allen, who has never won in almost 300 events on the PGA Tour, has been back to Qualifying School an amazing 10 times, and saved himself another trip back with a great finish at Turning Stone last week. But here's a look at some others who might be playing on the big tour next season based on the next few weeks, or who might be scuffling on the Nationwide Tour instead.
 
Bob Tway (No. 146)
Has eight wins, including a major (The 1986 PGA Championship, where he holed out of a bunker to beat Greg Norman) and is in the Top 30 in career PGA Tour earnings. But that might not be enough for the veteran Tway to keep his card, which he used a one-time exemption to keep for this season.
 
Glen Day (No. 154)
The southerner is slow as molasses, hence the nickname Glen "All" Day. But he would quickly like to add to his list of two professional wins in the upcoming weeks.
 
Robert Gamez (No. 170)
A streaky player from Las Vegas with a solid resume who won twice and made a charge in the British Open in his rookie season in 1990. Up and down since.
 
Michael Putnam (No. 149)
Former all-state basketball star is young enough at 24 to set up his career with some strong finishes. He's still looking for his first pro win, and maybe the Fall Series will be his time.
 
Andrew Buckle (No. 142)
Aussie, 25, won the 2002 Queensland Open on his professional debut and surely he's too talented to not stay on the big tour. Isn't he?
 
Bob Heintz (No. 127)
Heintz can roll it with the best of them, and he should be a smart player (he majored in economics at Yale). If anyone should know what keeping a Tour card is all about, it should be this beefy New Yorker, but that hasn't stopped him bouncing off the big tour three previous times.
 
Tripp Isenhour (No. 141)
39-year-old has always had enough game to hang around, but he must be weary of bouncing back and forth between the PGA Tour and the Nationwide.



What's the difference between Lloyd Saltman and Bobby Jones ...? Well, Lloyd gets to play his golf in full colour!

It’s only a matter of time before Scotland’s Lloyd Saltman is a star in pro golf. But to pick up his first professional victory cheque last weekend, the 22-year-old from East Lothian had to go back in time – almost literally.  
    And he did it in style, sporting plus-fours and playing with a set of six pre-1935 hickory-shafted clubs to win the World Hickory Open at his home links of Craigielaw, and the champ's payout of £1700.
    Said Saltman: “It would be fair to say the hickory championship was not what I planned, but it was great fun and using only six clubs really opened up the imagination.”
    Swinging the old-school sticks, Saltman got around the 18 holes in 1-over 72, beating former Scottish PGA champ Fraser Mann by a shot. Needless to say, dithering over club selection is not an issue at this event and tournament supremo Lionel Freedman reports that the entire field finished their rounds in just over three hours despite typically Scottish conditions.
    The World Hickory Open is in its third year, and even former Ryder Cup captain Bernard Gallacher OBE has had a crack at the old sticks, shooting a 76 in last year’s event. A Saltman won that one as well – Lloyd’s younger brother Zack, third this year with a 75.
    On the previous day, at the World Hickory Pro-Am, David Laing of Craigielaw, who was making his pro debut, aced the 157-yard 10th hole. His prizes included the hickory club he used, a magnum of champagne and a bottle of Famous Grouse suitably inscribed. Presumably, the champions dinner was bangers and mashie ...


Photograph courtesy of Robert Brown



Camilo Villegas: 'I spy with my little eye ... a win in Japan'

1) Nick Faldo will probably be a pretty good Ryder Cup captain.

 

2) So would Jack Nicklaus. The word is in the States that Jack’s ability to create a “winning atmosphere” was the key behind the US team’s convincing win in the President’s Cup.

 

3) No offense, but the names of Paul Azinger, Tom Lehman, Hal Sutton, Curtis Strange and Lanny Wadkins do not ring the same chord as just one: Nicklaus.

 

4) Woody Austin does not float.

 

5) Royal Montreal is a cracking site for championship golf, and it’s a pity that Canada only gets to see the world’s best players once a year.

 

6) Mike Weir is what they call in Canada a “clutch player”. Or in ice-hockey speak, he “came up big” in his President’s Cup singles match against Tiger Woods.

 

7) Camilo Villegas got the first notch on his professional golf belt by winning the Japan Tour’s Tokai Classic with a 2-under 282. Expect many, many more from the nattily-clad poster boy from Colombia, and not just for a fistful of yen.

 

8) Lorena Ochoa is not unbeatable, as Maria Hjorth proved on the LPGA Tour in Alabama. It was uno, dos, tres for Mexico’s superstar Ochoa, but no cuatro.

 

9) The PGA Tour proved for once it actually does have a heart, by allowing David Duval to keep his tour card, despite having to remain at home to help his wife through her difficult pregnancy.

 

10) Mum told you not to swing golf clubs in the house and she meant it. Did that stop Marc Warren from being a bad boy at the Seve Trophy? Nooooooo.


 

 

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