Spain's Pablo Larrazabal: 'Pretty sure there's monkeys in them trees ...'
So the European Tour is back in full swing?...: Indeed it is. Even though this is Johannesburg, the biggest city in South Africa. It's all part of the European Tour's cunning back to follow the footsteps of the old imperialists - playing golf in all the countries that Europe used to exploit for big money.
So nothing's really changed, then ...: Not really. Just a different big-money exploitation game.
So where are all the European guys then?...: Well, they're about ... just not most of the fellows you're used to seeing. You've got to say they've got European-style rain here, though.
Yet, but it didn't seem to bother the leaders...: Nope. Local boys Mark Murless and Tyrone Ferreira each shot 6-under 65s to sit at the top of the leaderboard. You've probably never heard of Ferreira, which is OK since this is his first pro start.
Whose this Murless guy?...: He's a 31-year-old from Johannesburg itself, and he's definitely set his sights low. He said 3-under on Thursday, followed by 2-under in the last three rounds, would make him ecstatic ...
Well, he's half the way to ecstasy already, isn't it?...: And behind the South Africans are a trio of European journeymen in Wales' Sion Bebb, Spain's Pablo Larrazabal and England's Ross McGowan, all on 66.
Shouldn't Bebb be playing rugby or something?...: Not when he's playing such great first-round golf. Bebb's made a habit of coming out fast in the first rounds and then fading back, but maybe he's here to stay this year.
Sounds like the European guys have a bit of work to do ...: Yep. More than half the field this week are South Africans anyway, as this is a co-sanctioned tournament with the Sunshine Tour.
So the Europeans are surrounding by a bunch of restless natives baying for their blood ...: Yep, just like the good old days!