Golf Central

Dude, my guy is kicking some serious butt here in Hawaii...:  KJ Choi?
You know I'm backing Choi. He's doing a Choi Norris on the rest of the field. 64-65 kind of butt-kicking...:  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say Na, Na, Na.
Sounds like a song ...: Yeah, yeah, yeah (Na, Na, Na ...)
I knew I'd get you singing...:  You insidious b------d. Anyway, I'm backing Kevin Na.
Jeez, we could have been the Beatles...:  You betcha. My money's on Kevin Na. He's only two back. Just put a Funk beat to it. Since our only Senior representive among this tournament of teenagers, Freddie "I No Longer Have The Silliest Name In Golf Thanks To Ben Bunny" Funk funked up our groove with a 64 on Friday.
I'm not down wit' da Funk. He's too old school...:  C'mon, just snap your fingers. Na, Na, Na, Na ... (Funk beat) ... Then once in a while shout "Choi!" It will have universal appeal. Now all we need is a label.
You've had too many mai-tais, man. Do your job. Who else is in the picture, preferably someone without a musical name?...:  Well, there's .... em .... Brian Gay .... em, at 6-under, with five other guys, including ... em Heath Slocum ... And Alejandro Canizares, son of Jose Maria. And em, some guy out of Arizona State called Chez Reavie.
He sounds like a restaurant. By the way, I'm hungry. Where are we eating tonight?...:  I heard there's a place in Honolulu called Funk Choi.
Let's go somewhere else...:  Na ...

Talk about setting your sights low...:  Yeah, I know. Mark Murless just figured he was happy to play in the Joburg Open, and if he got to 11 under after four rounds he would have been thrilled.
Look at him now...:  I know. He's nine under after two rounds. Goes to show a little local knowledge goes a long way. Four out of the top five in this Euro Tour spectacular are better known on the Sunshine Tour than anywhere else. Those would be Murless, Warren Abery, Charl Coetzee and first-time pro Tyrone Ferreira.
Who's the fifth one, then?...:  That would be Pablo Larrazabal, the young Spaniard. He's in solo second a shot behind Murless, our fearless leader.
Well, it doesn't hurt that the European Tour has a 'Zabal about, does it...:  He's not Ollie, but he's doing a pretty good imitation, getting up and down from everywhere.
It's not ideal conditions out there, is it? What with all the rain, they're doing a bit of grinding aren't they?...:  Yep. It's so wet out there that even your familiar names are scrambling to keep their heads above water.
Except for Darren Clarke...:  Everyone's favourite Ulsterman followed his opening round 73 with a 65 and is in striking range, five shots back.
That's about 10 cigars over the next two rounds for Darren. Do you reckon he can do it?...:  He's got a few cigars to burn before Murless makes a few birdies. But my advice is to keep your eye on 'Zabal.
Who are you now, David Leadbetter with a funny accent?...

On this day in 1952, one of the deadliest putters and nicest gentlemen in golf's last century was born in Austin, Texas: Ben Crenshaw.

Quiet, unassuming, and not physically imposing, Crenshaw rose from his humble Texas beginnings to become of the most dominant US PGA Tour players from 1973 to 1995, when the 43-year-old Crenshaw won the second of his two Masters titles. He tallied 19 wins on the PGA Tour and more than $7 million in winnings, and was inducted into the World Golf Hall of Fame in 2002.

Crenshaw came out rolling - literally - in his professional debut, winning in his first PGA Tour start at the 1973 San Antonio Texas Open (becoming only the second player in Tour history to do that). His main weapon was never length: Instead, it was his trusty Wilson 8802 putter, nicknamed "Little Ben", that did most of the damage. And when Crenshaw was on fire with his flatstick, few players were his equal ...

Alooooooooha!...: God, will I be glad to get this Hawaiian swing over with.
Why? It's great in paradise, isn't it?...: Yeah. But you're annoying when you imitate the locals.
Sorry. So how's it going out there...: Well, it's good to see some new faces out there. This is the first full-field event on the PGA Tour in 2008, so there a lot of the names that make you go "huh?" and a lot of the names that you know.
Who are the "huh" guys that are doing well?...: Jimmy Walker? Ever heard of him? He's tied for second at 5-under along with Steve Marino.
What about the guys I do know?...: Well, KJ Choi took a week to shake off the rust. The fireplug-shaped Korean didn't play well at Kapalua last week but he was brilliant Thursday at Waialae, firing 6-under 64 to lead the field. And Daniel Chopra's still red hot, he's a 4-under with seven others, including Rory Sabbatini.
KJ's the man. He's all-business. How do you say that in Korean?...: I have no idea. Why don't you ask him?
I'm too busy lapping up the local flavour...: So tell me how the local lads did? There's no Michelle Wie this year (for once!) but we've still got the Hawaiian teenagers Tadd Fujikawa and Alex Ching.
Not so great. Ching, the 17-year-old tennis star, shot 2 over...: What about little Tadd?
Well, he's 4 over. Probably neither of the Hawaiians will make the cut...: Well at least you've still got KJ.
Yeah. Did you hear KJ's press conference?...: Yes. His English is getting much better ... But you can tell he's practicing those golf terms. He must one of the few Koreans who can say things like "little cut 5-iron" and "power fade" better than "where's the toilet?"
You can almost understand him this year...: Yeah, sort of like Northumberland's own Kenneth Ferrie. He's 4-under by the way ...
Ooonder, don't you mean? ...

So the European Tour is back in full swing?...: Indeed it is. Even though this is Johannesburg, the biggest city in South Africa. It's all part of the European Tour's cunning back to follow the footsteps of the old imperialists - playing golf in all the countries that Europe used to exploit for big money.
So nothing's really changed, then ...: Not really. Just a different big-money exploitation game.
So where are all the European guys then?...: Well, they're about ... just not most of the fellows you're used to seeing. You've got to say they've got European-style rain here, though.
Yet, but it didn't seem to bother the leaders...: Nope. Local boys Mark Murless and Tyrone Ferreira each shot 6-under 65s to sit at the top of the leaderboard. You've probably never heard of Ferreira, which is OK since this is his first pro start.
Whose this Murless guy?...: He's a 31-year-old from Johannesburg itself, and he's definitely set his sights low. He said 3-under on Thursday, followed by 2-under in the last three rounds, would make him ecstatic ...
Well, he's half the way to ecstasy already, isn't it?...: And behind the South Africans are a trio of European journeymen in Wales' Sion Bebb, Spain's Pablo Larrazabal and England's Ross McGowan, all on 66.
Shouldn't Bebb be playing rugby or something?...: Not when he's playing such great first-round golf. Bebb's made a habit of coming out fast in the first rounds and then fading back, but maybe he's here to stay this year.
Sounds like the European guys have a bit of work to do ...: Yep. More than half the field this week are South Africans anyway, as this is a co-sanctioned tournament with the Sunshine Tour.
So the Europeans are surrounding by a bunch of restless natives baying for their blood ...: Yep, just like the good old days!