Golf Central

On this day in 1997, the Aussie swing machine Steve Elkington - a golf star who bizarrely has a severe allergy to grass - breathed deeply enough to waltz around the TPC Stadium Course at Sawgrass by winning The Players Championship for the second time by a wheezingly large margin ...

Dang! ...: Dang what?
Well, I was really hoping we could use a picture of Oliver Fisher on the site front ...: Me too, but you said it yourself: The rule is, only the winner's picture goes on the site front.
But Oli was nearly the winner ...: Yeah, well close only counts with horseshoes and hand grenades. Why are you so fussed over Oli Fisher?
I just like the kid that's all. And I picked him to get his first win ...: I agree. He's a likeable kid, and he's going to be a great player. But there's no rooting in the press box, pal ... can't take sides. And French veteran Thomas Levet is a worthy champion, especially after what happened to him in 2006.
Dang! Fisher was just so close ...: He sure was. It was hard to believe that he's still only 19 the way he took charge of the tournament in the final round, blitzing past the faltering veteran Lee Westwood. Fisher, the former Nick Faldo Series winner and youngest Walker Cup player ever, had his maiden European Tour win in his grasp on the 18th after firing a 67 on Sunday.
And we all saw what happened ...: Yes. Oli hit a couple of loose shots on the 18th and it cost him the tournament. All he needed was a par on the 72nd hole of regulation, but Oli put his drive in a pond and made bogey 5.
To force a playoff with Levet ...: Yep. And then Oli doinked his tee shot on the playoff hole in a bunker, his second came up short, and Levet took the title with a routine par.
And that's win No. 4 for the 39-year-old Frenchman ...: Yes, and it could have been more had Levet not suffered from vertigo in 2006. After winning here he said: "In 2006 just to be standing up was a victory."
Nice story, but pity for our Oli. How did he take it ...: Quite well actually. He said: "It was nothing negative. You have to learn to kind of lose before you win."
Top-notch cliche ... Spoken like a grizzled veteran. That's a cliche Nick Faldo would be proud of ...: Yep. Oli will be fine ...
See you in Portugal!: See you in Portugal!

Briny ...: Are you at this again?
Yep.: Why's that? ...
Well, there's nothing else to do ...: I have to agree with you there. Once again we are at mercy of the Gods of Golf and the Gods of Fickle Weather, which have determined that we must wait interminable for yet another third round to end.
I bet you Briny could do something about it ...: I thought we agreed everyone in the field was called Briny from now on. So shall we give our loyal readers the update they are longer for?
If you must ...: OK, when play was suspended on Saturday at 5.35pm Louisiana time, there were four players standing at 8-under ... well, they weren't standing actually, they were huddling out of sight against the rain.
And their names are? ...: Woody "Briny" Austin, Nicholas "Briny" Thompson, Peter "Briny" Lonard and Briny "Briny" Baird.
And after them? ...: Well, there are five guys on 7-under, 46 players still out on the course, and possibly another Monday finish possible in the forecast. And I'll be damned if I'm going to call all those players "Briny". I respect our readers too much for that.
That's grand of you. But come on, you can give me one more ...: No.
Come on, just one more ...: No!
Please???: OK ... One of the guys on 7-under made a 5-birdie charge, just like he did in the final round of the 2007 Open Championship, and that's the mad young Argentinian, Andres ...
Say it!!: "Briny" Romero.
Jeez, I'm bored ...: Me too ... Have a pickle, Briny ...

Briny ...: Huh?
I can't stop saying that. Briny ...: That's enough now ...
Briny ...: God I hope Briny Baird drops out of contention today so I don't have to hear you say that anymore.
Briny: ...: Yes. From now on we're just going to call him Michael Jancey Baird, which is his real name. He's a good ol' Southern boy and a big-time fisherman, wears one of those goofy straw hats, and when he was three years old he told his mother he wanted to be called "Briny" because he liked the way it sounded.
I agree with him. Briny ...: And you also have the mentality of a three-year-old. At least my three-year-old can say words like "avocado" and "Cholula" and "hydrangea". Mind you, he just likes the way they sound as well.
B ---: Stop it! So yes, the son of former pro Butch Baird is your leader on 8-under after a 69 on Friday. Baird - notice I am not saying the "B word" - is gunning for his first PGA Tour win in 254 starts. One shot behind him are the Aussie veteran Peter Lonard and journeyman Jay Williamson.
Anybody else worth noting except Briny?: Japan's Shigeki Maruyama hit some spectacular shots and pulled some marvellous facial expressions on Friday and he's joined on 6-under with grinder Tommy Armour III and defending champ and all-round good guy Nick Watney.
Aha ... I see an Englishman on the leaderboard too, Brian "Briny" Davis: Don't say that to his face or the Londoner might go all Bubba "Briny" Watson on your ass.
Why? What did Bubba do?: He acted like a spoiled rotten golf pro. He blamed the likeable Aussie Steve "Briny" Elkington for "making noises" during his tee shot on the 10th hole, and left the course without shaking hands.
Maybe Elkington said "Briny" ...: In which case I couldn't blame Bubba for getting ticked off ...

Hi ...: Is that all you're saying for yourself? Why so sheepish?
Well ...: Cat's got your tongue? Or has Lee Westwood got your tongue? Hah! Gotcha!
OK, OK ...: Say it!
"I should not have questioned your wisdom about not running Lee Westwood's picture on the site front yesterday" ... You satisfied?: Sort of. Why, please tell our lovely readers, are you so contrite today?
Because Lee Westwood is back in the lead after Day 3, and therefore you would have wasted a chance to use a picture of another player on the sitefront after Day 1. So you know it all, you freaking Oracle of Golf Website Wisdom ...: Hey mate, that last bit was out of order. But guess whose picture is going to be on the site front today?
Geoff Ogilvy?: Smart-ass. I'll give you one more chance before you have to start running.
Lee Westwood, Oh Oracle ... Since you're the bleeping Oracle, why don't you tell me something about the golf?: It's my job to say that to you. But anyway, I digress. Ahem (cough cough) indeed, your leader is Lee Westwood on 12-under-par. But this affair is very tight and will likely not be decided until the final putt drops tomorrow in Andalucia.
OK, Cliche Boy. Tell me some more ...: Well, once again the Frenchman Thomas Levet finds himself sandwiched between a pair of Englishmen in Oliver Fisher and David Lynn who are all on 11-under. But there are eight players within three shots of the lead, including five Swedes, and you know how they are.
No, I don't actually, why don't you tell me?: I was bluffing. Anyway, Westwood is looking good after his 66 and it sounds like he's got his mind in shape as well as his body. The Masters is just around the corner and it looks like our formerly big lad from Worksop is ready to be a proper world Top 10 player. Mind you, he's got to sort out that little problem about winning in the States ...
So who's your pick for tomorrow then Oracle?: I'm going with Lee Westwood. And you?
Uhhh ... see you later ...: Why the rush?
Oli Fisher!